As most parents know, taking care of kids often leads to discoveries about YOURSELF. One recent revelation floored me. As a born leader AND joiner — which has in many ways spilled over into how I parent —I have developed a new empathy for parents I used to think of as "not involved enough."
I am on the board of directors of RJ's preschool this year. Last year was a tough one for him socially, and we didn't really like his teacher (who is not there anymore). But all along, we've adored the administration and I've really ...

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Boy, I cannot believe it's been 53 days (according to my blog software!) since I last posted. I'm sure everyone says things like that when they first start a blog..."I can't believe I've let so much time go by!" I mean, really, I thought I had SO MUCH to say! Why can't I say it?!?
So here we are in a new year, 2011. Pretty incredible. There are a lot of changes going on in my house, first and foremost with my husband's job. Financially, we've been hit hard (thankfully he was not laid off and we do still have our benefits) so it's really time for me to get off my duff and find something more steady that will offer a good chunk of income. And my hubby actually is looking around himself, and has had some wonderful, very promising meetings. Me, I'm actually excited by the prospect of returning to an office (though I still want the flexibility of telecommuting a few days a week so as not to have to put the baby into full-time daycare). But of course, this new channel means even MORE transition:
1) If DH gets an amazing offer in another city...?
2) Where will I end up working?
3) Where will baby JD go to daycare? (We still have our Nanny K two days a week, which is helpful, but she is expensive and I want him to be around other babies anyway...but then there is the whole "WHOM CAN YOU TRUST?" argument — see previous post!)
4) Where will WE live? (We were planning on purchasing a single-family home; now will most likely rent as things fall into place.)
5) Where will RJ, who will go to pre-K in the fall, go to school next year? We love his current preschool but want him somewhere a bit more structured and "academic."
In the past, all these up-in-the-air changes would terrify me. I still am anxious about them but I also am READY. It's time for newness.
It's time to get THIS blog really going, so I can build myself into the online presence I want to be, and really have something to say that people want to read and pay attention to.
So here goes...Happy 2011! May this year bring YOU closer to your life's purpose too!

This is not news. Unfortunately, it happens every day. You entrust someone with your precious children only to have them turn around and violate that trust.
A beloved young teacher was fired from RJ's school today. Allegedly, this gentleman — the ONLY male who works for the preschool — had been stealing from parents, both in their homes (where he babysat frequently, including for us) and in school, from mothers' purses while they were working in the classrooms. Though there was no concrete evidence, the "circumstantial" evidence was crushing. And when this young man was given the opportunity to respond to the finger-pointing — which was brought to his attention by a parent trained in interrogation techniques — he couldn't. When he was let go, apparently he just shrugged and walked out. Didn't say anything.
It just breaks my heart, really, on so many levels. For one thing, this teacher was adored by both parents and preschoolers. He was soft-spoken, musical, sweet and very caring. He was respectful of the parents at school and seemed to really enjoy playing with the children. We really loved having him sit for RJ in particular; it was nice to have another male in his life, especially a young one who had the stamina to run around with him in the park! We frequently had this teacher sit for RJ when I was very pregnant with his baby brother and just frankly had no interest (or ability) to play like RJ needed to play. It was so nice to know we could call this teacher and he frequently was able to come over right away. I believe I even referred to him once as a "lifesaver."
And now here we are with this information. And it just makes me want to cry.
After some parents recently were noticing cash missing from their wallets at school, the administration interviewed each teacher. Then, yesterday, a concerned dad phoned me asking if we had anything missing from our house. Neither of us could think of anything...but apparently his and two OTHER families who had used him in the past DID have several things missing. And, like us, they just couldn't believe that the teacher's visits were linked to the missing items (including a laptop, several suit jackets, and pairs of jeans). But when the thefts at school came to light, well, this dad — and the other parents — put two and two together...
So this makes me so sad and angry and feeling so vulnerable and violated on several levels. For one thing, we really thought we knew this young man, and we certainly trusted him as a sitter for our son, especially since he worked at the preschool, for goodness sakes. And we genuinely LIKE(D?) him. He's getting a degree in Early Childhood Education! For another thing, I just want to know WHY. WHY would he do something like that? What possessed him?
And then there's the whole can of worms this incident opens in my — and fellow preschool parents' — head: WHOM CAN WE TRUST?!?!? If it truly takes a village to raise children — and it damn well does — are there even enough trustworthy people IN the village to do so? For parents like me and my husband, who do not have any blood relatives anywhere near us, we have no choice but to rely on the "kindness of (virtual) strangers" to help us. And we need help! So when something this serious — and thank goodness not even MORE serious — happens, you can't help but pause. And it is reminding me that even the sitters we have had in the past, and currently have, do things that pick at the trust and well-being we feel leaving our kids with ANYONE other than ourselves. (I'm talking about non-relatives...relatives can be untrustworthy too, of course. I'm not even going to get into that, though...)
For example: another sitter we just adored, Ms. T., who was RJ's "teacher" in his previous daycare, violated our trust a few times over. The last straw was when my husband arrived home one evening and a strange little girl, about 3 years old, was asleep on the sofa. Ms. T. said that her daughter apparently had been babysitting for the girl and was going to a party (???) and therefore dropped this girl off at OUR house, where her parents were due to pick her up "any minute." This was 10 p.m. Ms. T. hadn't called to ask us, nothing. Hubby let her have it, telling her it was NOT OK. Who is this child? Who are her parents? What if her parents accuse us of doing something to her? We were legally responsible for her in our house! He asked them to leave, and Ms. T. and the girl (who was fine and asleep) waited in Ms. T's car for her parents. And that was that. In the past, Ms. T. had had other people over our house while our kids were in her care: her godson, her husband, her daughter. She never asked us if it was OK, though when we found out, we told her we did not want anyone else in the house with her. And we know she meant well, she always did. But after that serious lapse in judgment, we have just wiped our hands of her. And I miss her. I loved her. She had always been so good to us. But again, we cannot trust her.
And now, we have this other sitter for baby JD two days a week, K. She kind of gets on my nerves a little...something about her has always rubbed me the wrong way. She is a little self-righteous and often will tell me how much this or that client loves her and how she's "saved" people with her advice, blah blah blah. She also has said things that are underhanded, like commenting on the fact that the baby is wearing two different socks (so what?), or saying the house looks very "lived-in" (well, excuuuuuse me for not being on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor). I am not really sensitive or defensive about her comments but I just find them annoying.
However, she's also handled some of my personal property, which I think is ALMOST crossing the line...She took a magazine out of my bedroom, off of a high bookshelf. I found it in the magazine rack in our downstairs powder room. That irked me but I didn't quite know how to approach her about it. Then today, I was looking for a book I had borrowed from an online renting service. I KNEW where I had left it. I casually mentioned it to her and, sure enough, she actually had it IN HER CAR. WTH?!?!? I said (rather lamely), "It doesn't belong to me, so I need it back."
I wouldn't care so much except tonight, when I was attempting to get JD into his bath (which he typically LOVES), he flipped out. Screaming, crying, clinging to me. He has NEVER done that. She hasn't given him a bath in a while. But something just clicked in my head and I immediately started feeling suspicious of her. Why is my baby suddenly terrified of his bath? What happened? What did she do?!?!? How would I know?!??! WHOM DO YOU TRUST?!??!
Gd bless us parents who are in this position, who so desperately need — and deserve — help for our kids and just want to find loving, enthusiastic, engaging, TRUSTWORTHY, RESPONSIBLE people to provide it. Who then are struck across the face with these scary examples of betrayal. I don't have any answers. I wish I could trust.
My babies are safely asleep in their beds, clean and warm. I just want to keep them with me forever so I never have to leave them with someone else.

We are JUST beginning the search for a single-family home, after having lived in our amazing townhouse for 5 1/2 years (way, WAY longer than we thought we would). We outgrew this place when we had our FIRST kid more than four years ago...now we have TWO. It's SO time.

And now, I'm even more excited by the prospect of more room, since I hope that I can do this:

http://www.ajchomefinder.com/home-decor/mom-caves-updated-rooms-695902.html

Here's what I'd put in MY "Mom Cave:"

* A reclining chair or loveseat, something I can sit on but also curl up in, as I like to put my feet up
* A really soft blanket
* A bulletin board or hanging area of some kind with photos and quotes on it
* A small aquarium with tropical fish (I decided when we get a house, I want us to have fish!)
* A small bookshelf with reading material, and another small storage container
* A small coffee table or other surface on which to place drinks (and a lap desk)

I'd paint it soft colors and, if it was a hardwood floor, put an area rug on it. If it wasn't an actual ROOM but part of a room, I'd use curtains to partition it off, but I'd want a window in the space so I wouldn't feel claustrophobic. I would bring my cell phone into the Cave but no TV. I would also bring my laptop for writing and surfing.

Here's to my future Mom Cave! (Though I don't know that I like the name, as it's a place for me to be ME, not necessarily just Mom, ya know?)

How hard is it, really?!??!
For me, it's excruciating. As much as I jump at the chance to offer assistance to virtual strangers — especially moms out and about alone with multiple children — it takes a great deal of soul-searching to ask for help for myself and my family. Why? I don't want to "be a burden" or draw attention to my vulnerabilities (there's that word again). I don't want to put anyone out or give anyone the impression that I am demanding. It's so silly, especially when my needs are relatively simple...and usually revolve around childcare.
I know how good it makes me feel to be useful, to be able to bring a meal (store-bought of course; I can't cook) to a family with a newborn, step in to watch a friend's kid when she has a last-minute job interview, work in my big boy's preschool classroom and on the board of the school. I know when I hear about a sick friend or colleague, or the death of someone in their family, I feel helpless and welcome the opportunity to offer something, anything, to ease suffering. I know I am lucky to have a cadre of close friends in my family's life who would not hesitate to do the same for us.
So how hard is it, really?!?!
Still...excruciating.

On August 5, 2010, one month before my older son "RJ" turned 4 years old, I broke my left foot. Sure, it wasn't a life-threatening injury (and I did it in such a random way: tripping over something on a friend's living room floor), but it definitely has felt life-altering. Hence the name of this blog.
Sure, I've had many moments throughout my thirtysomething years that have profoundly changed me — getting married and having two children, for example — but most of those moments are ones that many people can point to, the "big-ticket items," so to speak. Something so inocuous, so ordinary-yet-inconvenient...it truly is the little things in one's life that build it.
So why has breaking my foot, of all things, changed my life?
For one, I'd never broken a bone before. The sheer "newness" of the swelling, bruising, application of the cast (which, thankfully, became a walking cast within 24 hours) was a life experience. But my broken left foot has become symbolic of my vulnerabilities, my shortcomings, my opportunity to improve, or even to heal, areas of my life that need attention. Having a broken foot is forcing me to examine how I live my life physically as well as mentally and emotionally. I've had to ask for help, something that terrifies me. Since others — mostly paid sitters and my husband — are now doing my dishes and laundry, and carrying my 10-month-old around since I can't, I've had actual TIME on my hands to reflect.
So here I am. Reflect along with me.